Coming Home to Kansas

So give me advice on how to be a better one. Or at least what to do in this situation.

A few of you might remember my friend WendySue from college. She and I kept in touch after we both left Emporia, though increasingly sporadically, and in the past two to three years, very rarely. Actually, in the past year not at all, because:

Last April, I got a mass e-mail from her stating that her sister had unexpectedly passed away (I think she was older than WS, so she may have been in her mid- to late 30s). I read it at work, was in the midst of some crisis or other, and decided it needed a more thoughtful response than an e-mail reply, so I filed it away to give some time to later. Well, I kept forgetting and kept forgetting (not to mention I was cripplingly depressed a year ago, so I had a hard enough time being a good friend to myself, let alone anyone else). Still keep forgetting, though at this point, I'm really so very ashamed at not sending her anything, that it prevents me from doing anything.

(Also, I'm reeeeally bad at dealing with tragedy. Honestly, if I were in her situation, I would have holed up and not even probably told my closest friends what had happened, because I can't bear for people to be all kind and concerned--I just want to avoid thinking or talking about anything until I'm past the crisis mode and ready to deal. I guess I have to learn to accomodate others who don't deal the way I do, though.)

Anyway. At this point, WS and I aren't really friends anymore, but I know it would have been a nice gesture for me to have contacted her.

Should I just let it fade into the past?

Or, I know the one-year anniversary of her sister's death is coming up in a little over a month. Would it be creepy/weird/inappropriate for me to drop her a note, letting her know I'm thinking of her on the anniversary? I know sometimes what I've heard people who've lost someone say is that they get so much support immediately following the death, but that fades after a few months, while they're just starting to learn how to cope.

Help! Also, if you do think I should contact her, any wording help on how to explain why I haven't written sooner without making the letter all about me would be great.

Anyone else love graphic novels? One reason I'm looking forward to coming home is because I just read an article in an old Utne Reader about them...and I have plans to spend several days curled up in Borders stealing knowledge. I hardly ever buy books, just go to the bookstore and read a few chapters, if it's something I can't find in the library. This may classify as a "lifehack," or it may just mean I'm cheap. Anyway, the combination of drawings and words somehow strikes me to the core. My favorite authors are Joe Sacco, Adrian Tomine, and Marjane Satrapi.

Other than that, I'm a little worried about coming home...it's going to be hard to readjust. There are lots of things here that seem to be inconvenient on the surface here...no refridgeration, no private car, no computer, etc, etc, etc...BUT, really, life here is way more relaxing and human than at home. Also, I've discovered I don't need ice cubes, and there's no need to check email every single day. Not to idealize ecuador, because I do get tired of buses and bucket baths, but the prospect of having to own a car and constantly being exposed to advertising, among other things, is stressful. However, I adjusted here, and I'm sure I'll readjust. I just have to figure out how to incorporate what I've learned here into a new american life.

I have a great new friend, who I almost missed out on. This is because of another friend, who I never really felt comfortable around, telling all of us volunteers that she sucked. That she was inconsiderate, gross, rude, etc, etc, etc. And even though I knew that those descriptions really were pretty accurate for he, himself, and I shouldn't listen to him, somehow it permeated. And what a shame. Because she's been here a year now, and I just now spent significant time with her. I went to her site to help with a gardening project, and it was two of the more enjoyable days I've spent here. We spent a lot of time cooking(I like a person who isn't afraid to eat), reading magazines, talking about what we want to do after PC, sex, bad boyfriends we have had, working with our hands. Also drinking box wine. I hope I never get to the point where I think box wine is unacceptable. Now I only have six weeks left, and we both are really busy. But there were whole lonely months where I could have used a female friend, and she too.

So, what can I learn from this? Reserve judgement, reserve judgement, reserve judgement. Or you may miss out on something really great.

for some reason this page show up in japanese and I can't figure out how to change it. Anyone know how to deal with that?

So for lack of anything else to watch right now and waiting for the laundry to dry Im watching Montel. It happens to be Sylvia Brown wednesday. If you dont know she is a physic. She spends the hour answer questions about basically everything. Im not sure that im a true believer in all of that. I also dont think im a nonbeliever. Im probably somewhere in the middle. I can remember, 7 yrs ago, standing in the shower my head under the water and hearing my name. As it turns out jennifer was thinking of me. I had been thinking of calling her. I didnt grow up being afraid of ghosts or believing in big foot or the lochness monster. Im all about proof. Show me the spirit, big foot and nessy. I want to see it for myself. There is a part of oklahoma where big foot is supposed to live. Someday i want to see if i can find big foot. So maybe if you look and listen closely you can see and hear what you normally wouldnt. Fact or fiction you decide.

Happy Valentine's Day! Now that I'm trying to avoid sugar, this holiday isn't what it's cracked up to be.

Really, my favorite memories of V-day come from us in high school, giving each other those flowers in the glass bowls. I blogged about other memories, but those really were the best.

I'm piddling right now and wasting precious time I could be cleaning. I'm going to share what I was messing with because I started with such a great picture. Sorry lesley, I abducted it from your blog because it was such a great photo and I wanted to play with it! So without further ado, here are 9 renderings of Lesley done in photoshop.

I still live here. I just don't get to the computer much these days. My kid has decided to shorten his naps a little. Besides, our computer is in the basement. Does anyone else hate basements as much as I do? I need windows and light.

It's finally cold here again, after over a month of most lovely weather. It was super nice here and we could go outside all the time, and so of course it makes the normal weather seem twice as bad.

I notice upon reading what I've typed so far that I have about half my normal brain power today, so I will cut myself off before any of you die of boredom. Maybe I'll be more interesting tomorrow.

That's about how long I'm going to be down here. And, I'm ready to come home, but everyone says that coming back and readjusting is harder than the reverse. Wow. I'm scared. I've made friends here that are just as strong as a lot I've had in the states...as much as I'd like to think I'll be back to visit, that may not be possible for a long time. Still, it's a comfort to know that you all are back in my lives back home.

Ethan and Oliver Good were here for a couple of days. It was cool. Lots of talking about high school and Marion. I'd forgotten that Ethan went to prom with LeAnn. Or that Oliver was in Bye Bye Birdie.

Hope you are all having a good week.

hey, everyone... just had to share these with you...
we get the most beautiful sunsets where we live. The other day, when i got home from work, this particular one just took my breath away. Bright orange/pink with feathered and bubbled clouds, veiling the still blue sky; a part of them looked as though they'd been woven in and out of each other like a basket. In another part, the clouds looked so low that i could almost touch them! It was just gorgeous.