Coming Home to Kansas

So my day was pretty good. How about yours? Here's a day in the life of Lesley with tangential memories/details/thoughts/questions....

Ok, so, my day didn't start well. I always think I can and should be a morning person. But I'm not. Especially not today. I was grumpy for no reason at all. A friend of mine calls these 'saggy diaper' days -- perhaps those of you with kids get this even more than me?? Anyway, my lit students had papers due today (yes, cursed witch that I am, assigning poetry explications), so I figured they would be reticent and grumpy, too. And my freshman comp students are in their usual "we're only here for a few more days, what more do I need to hear from you about writing?" mode this time of semester. I was predicting a morning of me holding discussion with myself (seriously, this happens sometimes).

BUT my lit students rose to the occasion! We had this great discussion about how and why poetry can function as a medium for political expression. And if it does or can function in this way, then why don't we see more poetry that voices such social concern on a day to day basis? (And why don't we? Every values poetry in this perfunctory way, but is anyone -- and I mean general public -- really reading it these days?) They really got into this debate about how much power and meaning we should assign to the author in these cases -- it was nice. And everyone turned in a paper! My day was much better.

Then, after my office hours (to which no one ever comes -- I must seem a beast or something), I had lunch with my friend Aleks. We ate at the Bread Company in Urbana -- a place that reminds me of restaurants in Lawrence like Wheatfields. She just completed her fields exam two weeks ago and is still replaying the two-hour interview in her head. She's also a few months pregnant, so via her vomit schedule, I'm learning a lot about what it means to have horrible morning sickness. She's had it really really really bad. Like can't cook food it makes her so ill. So I need someone, SOMEONE (hint, hint, any of you with positive spins on pregnancy) to tell me this is not always the case. She is one of my best friends here -- we always have lunch on Wednesdays. And you know, we both look forward to that lunch more than anything. It's just so important to have that time for a friend. I mean, I've met some people here who are good friends, but who don't make the time, or don't contact me. It's kind of like deciding when to call someone after a date or something -- do I call, or should I wait for them to call? You kind of have to date your friends, put down a time, plan where and when to meet. It doesn't just "happen."

Btw, I look forward to lunches/dinners/coffees with all of you in the future! **By the way, who is pro-coffee around here? I know Hannah is, but that Ellie's trying to kick the habit, right? And how do you take it? I'm a skim latte, w/extra shot whore --- but I also love plain black coffee. Seriously, folks, how you take your coffee is important -- but if you abstain from it, I won't think TOO much less of you ;)

Ok, anyway, I walked around our campus after lunch, running some errands. If you ever have a chance to visit us and tour Illinois's campus, please do! Today was such a cold, bright early winter day, and everything looked so crisp. The English Building used to be a women's dorm when the University was founded. (okay, isn't THIS pathetic?! we have no cool name. we're just the English Building. that's it) According to campus myth, a girl drowned in the swimming pool that used to be in our building. Her ghost now haunts the place, but I've never heard her. Still, the building is bizarre -- like Hogwarts, I'm sure the rooms and stairs move around at night. Even numbered rooms are on one side, odds on the other. Hidden stairs lead to offices I didn't even know existed. Weird. BUT facing the Quad, the building has these massively tall white columns. It looks all nice and academic, and while not nearly as cool as Altgeld Hall (the Math CASTLE!), it's still one of the most adored buildings on campus.

Ok, later in the day, I picked up Topher at his work, Volition, and we grabbed huge amounts of Chinese food before sitting down to watch Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer on CBS (digitally remastered, no less! Rudolph, that is, not Chinese food or Topher). Yes, I still love that show and have to watch it every year. I even have Yukon Cornelius, Rudolph, and Bumble ornaments on our tree -- yes, I am still that much a geek. But Topher says if you're going to geek out, geek strong. Some things really don't change. Then, Toph departed for his weekly poker game and I watched Lost, my favorite show right now. I recommend it so highly -- it's the only thing I watch on tv now.

And now I'm posting. And now I'm done. And now you are all thinking thank goodness.... :)

Good night all.

Circle of Friends

You know me.
I'm the shoelace you loved to tie
In kindergarten
I'm the imaginary friend you spoke to
When the real people were unbearable
I am Christmas clothing and
The key to your diary
I'm the song your mother sang to you
To put you to sleep at night
I'm the drone of the cicada
Your grandfather's chuckle
The carpet and the whisper of the ceiling fan
I am the earthworm you saved from
The after-rain puddle
I am the car ride that put you to sleep
I'm the toboggan and the lonely hill
The silver car in the Monopoly game
The dog at the foot of the bed
The paper airplane
The third story window
The Pepsi bottle
The Saturday morning cartoon
And the bowl of cereal
I am your first crush
I am the picture on your wall
The cracks in your ceiling
I am the poem you read and
Never told anyone about
I'm the book, the chair and the lamp

I know you. I know you because
One way or another you have always
Known me.
I am your foolish moment that was ok
Because you were alone
I see my memories in your eyes
I know how many times you will
Believe me
I have the moon folded in my
Handkerchief
I know the secret of the moth and the light bulb
I am the stride and the point of the shoulder
I am the stuff that you are made of
I am the last of the first experiences
The middle finger in the face of comparison
And the first experience that lasts

-g.

Have a good day too.

We were talking earlier about losing our wonder and becoming jaded. I was too frazzled in my day to day workings to write out what I thought about that.
I will NEVER lose my wonder. That's the thing that makes kids and teenagers sparkly, and so endearing even in their selfishness. That sense that all is new, crisp and ready to be eaten like ripe peaches. Peaches that have been grown just for them and only them.
Well, I'm not giving up my peaches. Ever.

I find my contradictions funny sometimes though.

I run with the grocery cart and jump on for a ride when it's fast enough. (Thought I was the only adult around here who did that, until I saw someone I knew at least 10 years my senior do the same) I drink coffee and read the news, every page, every section (well except the sports since I just don't give a damn). I smoke occasionally, especially on late night writing sessions when only the nicotine will clear the air. I ride a kids bike. Yes really, Decker and I have the same bike. The exception is I have the big ape hanger handlebars with grips that match my paint. And I ride it to work, at the golf course, where the adults are. I still run through puddles and piles of leaves and marvel at how miraculous our world is. The mall amazes me, people amaze me. The world enthralls me. And now it's even better since I get to see it new, all over again with the kids. And when and if they have kids, I'll get to see the world new again with the grandkids. So the world to me is never old and I will always be young in spirit.

As for raising kids today, it's a challenge. They don't face the same things we did or at least not in exactly the same way. It's finding that balance between discipline, openness and freedom. I don't know the best way, but I will stumble my way through like we all do.


Music

I've created music CD's for everyone that will be in the mail later this week. I'm excited. The strange thing is, I started a soundtrack about us, but it changed to a mix of some of my favorites. I have to finish the liner notes before I mail though. I love the fact that we all like different music and have different styles. My mix is more pop-ish, but it's got those weird obscure bands thrown in too. And it flows so well! My favorite mix tape was one I made for Craig in college after we had broken up. I loved him so. Craig was the one who started me on the path to psychic enlightenment. Kind of like your friend, Gretchen. Sounds like a similar experience. I was a lone wiccan too. After he broke up with me, I made him this story mix tape. It was so long it took two 90 minute tapes to tell. It ran the whole gamut of our relationship from the first blush of love to the breakup to the screw you I'm way better without you now.
I couldn't bear to part with it. I spent so much time choosing the albums, CD's and tapes to create it with. I wore it out playing it in my own car. I guess it was therapy for me instead. Catherine and I danced to it in the rain on a dirt road. Counting Flowers on the wall by the Statler Brothers was on and it just begged to be danced to.
What I mix though, about mix tapes, is the organic-ness of creating that tape. The stops, rewinding to make sure it flowed, the stacking and planning. Now it's five minutes and your CD is done. It's not as satisfying as flipping through the records, putting them on the turntable, pressing record. My lps now sit in a corner waiting for their turntable so they can sing again.

Kitty Kat Dance

I failed to mention we got a new cat at the beginning of October. Logan named him Bix and he is super funny in that catty way. The dog was more excited that the kids though, she has someone to play with now. And they are so cute in their matching collars. I'll put pictures up later.

Back to work, I have a paper to write and it's late.

I´m glad that you guys wrote all that stuff about babies being gross..and also about how it is to have your own.

About a quarter of the time I´m grossed out by kids here...dirty little sticky faces, homemade diapers made out of chunks of old sweater, the landlady´s two year old coming over and demanding balloons or raisins, and then hitting me. Once I was in the back of a truck, which is how I get back to my town, if I´m not walking, and this lady had her three kids with her. All of them had various greasy snacks(pig skin is big here) and suckers and chocolate...It was one of the more unpleasant sights that I´ve had here...they kept fighting and she just ignored them. I had to go into my house and stay there, listening to american music and drinking black tea, for a couple of hours before I could deal with ecuador again.

But. Then there´s the other three quarters of the time, when every single child is adorable. The days when the neighbor´s two year old gives me a big hug, when I walk home and hear "Senorita Anita!" yelled down from the mountains, little indigenous girls in their native dress, etc, etc, etc...and my ovaries start getting going. Especially because when I was home, Eliza was talking about having a baby in couple of years(No, no, no, I felt like saying...I¨M the oldest, I´m supposed to do everything first). And telling me that after thirty it gets harder to concieve...she´ll be an OBGYN in a few months, maybe she knows. She told her almost sister in law that, and the poor woman went to nepal and got knocked up almost as soon as she stepped off the plane, at age almost thirty(it was intentional). It worked out well for her, but then, she´s a lawyer, and has a good income.

The thing is, I´m ready emotionally and mentally, but no where near financially. And I have no partner. I never thought I´d feel like I was getting too old to get pregnant...in high school and college I had recurring nightmares of such a thing. But now, my nightmares are of being without family. Usually, if there´s something I want to do, I go out and get 'er done. But this is somewhat different.

All right, so I'm sitting here reading Gretchen's post and thoroughly excited about her getting in touch, and on the TV is some Dateline-type show about the murder of John Lennon. I'm half-watching it, and of course there's a bunch of Lennon music on the show. So it reminded me of a conversation Ellie and I had about two weeks ago and I am bored enough to share it with you all tonight. Ok, that wasn't a shot at Ellie, it was a very good conversation at the time, but what I mean is that I feel the need to say it all again to more people.

There are some things that everyone in the world thinks are SO great and I that I have never understood what all the fuss is about. Two of these things are on the John Lennon show and they are:

The song "Imagine" (I just can't like it...in fact, I HATE it and you can all villify me if you wish)

The book Catcher in the Rye (sorry if anyone's insulted but I couldn't stand this book and I know that at least Ellie is with me on this one even if no one else is...it just sounds like teenage whining to me and I can call my nieces and nephews if I want to hear that)

The bad part is...there are certain things in this world that if you say, "I don't like..." people turn to you with a shocked expression and act as though you have committed a felony. It isn't safe to dislike them. I am trying to think of more of these items, and am unable to at the moment, so maybe you can all help me. I know that everyone has at least ONE thing they hate that everyone else in the universe seems to love, so if you do, post it here and I am sure that will help me think of others. Oh, while I'm taking wild chances, I might as well just add the Beatles in general to this list. Sorry, but I just don't enjoy their music.

This might be my bravest (or most foolhardy) post yet!!! I'm not trying to be a snob, it's just that this is the only place I feel safe expressing my actual opinion about certain things. :D

What's up?

I resolved my music downloading issues, and discovered last night I am halfway through recreating my favorite mix tape. It seemed to be one of these epic projects--funny to think I might actually get through it. There's just one, maybe two songs I despair of finding online. That said, does anyone know if Concrete Blonde did any acoustic stuff? Their name sure does appear on my tape's play list.

This weekend it was nearly 80 degrees; today it's 51. I suppose it's time for the winter to come to Alabama.

Work is slow. I only have four clients right now, and none of them is giving me any lip, so I'm enjoying them.

Just a thought: Is anyone interested in a holiday mix CD? I was thinking of compiling one this year to send out in cards, attach to gifts, etc. I love love love holiday music, and I'm always on the look out for cool tunes in this area. So I ask you all (or those who love holiday music like me): What are your favorites and what should be included on the CD?

Ian

Brandon

Robynn

That is interesting I think that becoming a teenager begins before 10. I can see signs of it in Robynn already and she is still 3 years away from being 10. Every once in a while it will flair up and then disappear. Every time it does I can here my mother saying "You are going to have one just like you" I cross my fingers and hope not, but I know better she will be just like me. That will be fine since I know how I was and maybe I can deal with mini me better. Mine flaired up at 14 and I began the fighting and clashing with my mom. I eventually came out of the teenage fog and realized that I was at sometimes horrible to my mom, but that is all part of the learning. It was really bad my senior year. I rebelled against everything that Jennifer had done in the years before she left for college. I hated cooking. I didn't help so I would choose not to eat dinner. That really showed her, yea right. I knew just how to get what I wanted and could talk her into anything. That is why Jennifer always made me call if we wanted to stay out later. I think back on it now and there are few things that I'm not so proud of, but is all part of the evolution of becoming an adult from a teenager.

I read Hannah's teenager post and was posting my own comment, when I realized that the comment was so long that I should probably make it into a new post. Voila:

Hannah, in an ironic twist, I did not previously find the word "colostrum" funny; however, after your post, I now do. Consider your rant officially humorous.
Yes, we once were so annoying, I believe...I find myself contemplating this topic all the time these days, as I often find myself in the midst of large groups of high school students, at games or in church or whatnot. I wonder repeatedly how Jason can stand his job, and when I ask the question he (typically of him) doesn't say much. True, he comes home some days snarling about his kids, and how immature they all are and how being in their presence compares to various forms of medieval torture, which by the way he would happily employ were he to gain access to some thumbscrews or large boulders. But most days I think he privately enjoys it all very much, and would like it even better if it weren't for the stupid political debris that floats around him all year long.
Yes, we were so annoying, although in a slightly different way than most, I think. There were some ways in which we were annoying in exactly the same way, I'm sure. Adolescence truly is a disease, as you said, and I thank the Lord that all of the rest of you seem to feel that you had cases of it that were just as severe as mine! I had a complex for years about what I was like in junior high and high school and this blog is helping me to get over that.
On a similar note, I enjoy Jason's soccer team very much most of the time. I know...50 high school girls. But they really are sweet little things (in front of me anyway) and now they can dote on the baby which always scores people a few points. Here, though, is where we really WERE different. I get very disillusioned whenever I hear about some of the dangerous, illegal, or scandalous episodes some of the girls get involved in, and it depresses me that they feel so grown-up, so worldly, and so jaded at the age of 16. That's where I think we were different from your typical group of teenagers. Am I wrong? Or did we all hang onto that innocence, that simple happiness, that joie de vivre (did I spell that right?) a little longer than most? I hope so. I think so. That doesn't mean I think we were all a bunch of candy stripers or something. What I mean is that we just didn't feel the need to be 30 when we were 15.

OFFICE SPACE

Joanna: How dare you judge me? Look at you. You're just some penny-stealing... wannabe criminal... man.
Peter Gibbons: Well that may be, but at least I never slept with Lumbergh.
Joanna: Why don't you call me when you grow up! Wait a minute, that will never happen, so why don't you just not call me, yeah... [Joanna starts to close car door]
Peter Gibbons: Say hello to Lumbergh for me!

Samir: No one in this country can ever pronounce my name right. It's not that hard: Samir Na-gheen-an-a-jar. Nagheenanajar.
Michael Bolton: Yeah, well at least your name isn't Michael Bolton.
Samir: You know there's nothing wrong with that name.
Michael Bolton: There was nothing wrong with it... until I was about 12 years old and that no-talent ass clown became famous and started winning Grammys.
Samir: Hmm... well why don't you just go by Mike instead of Michael?
Michael Bolton: No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks.


Joanna: So, where do you work, Peter?
Peter Gibbons: Initech.
Joanna: In... yeah, what do you do there?
Peter Gibbons: I sit in a cubicle and I update bank software for the 2000 switch.
Joanna: What's that?
Peter Gibbons: Well see, they wrote all this bank software, and, uh, to save space, they used two digits instead of four. So, like, 98 instead of 1998? Uh, so I go through these thousands of lines of code and, uh... it doesn't really matter. I uh, I don't like my job, and, uh, I don't think I'm gonna go anymore.
Joanna: You're just not gonna go?
Peter Gibbons: Yeah.
Joanna: Won't you get fired?
Peter Gibbons: I don't know, but I really don't like it, and, uh, I'm not gonna go.
Joanna: So you're gonna quit?
Peter Gibbons: Nuh-uh. Not really. Uh... I'm just gonna stop going.
Joanna: When did you decide all that?
Peter Gibbons: About an hour ago.
Joanna: An hour ago... so you're gonna get another job?
Peter Gibbons: I don't think I'd like another job.
Joanna: Well, what are you going to do about money and bills and...
Peter Gibbons: You know, I've never really liked paying bills. I don't think I'm gonna do that, either.


Milton Waddams: [talking on the phone] And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were merry, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire...

Peter Gibbons: Doesn't it bother you that you have to get up in the morning and you have to put on a bunch of pieces of flair?
Joanna: Yeah, but I'm not about to go in and start taking money from the register.
Peter Gibbons: Well, maybe you should. You know, the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear.

Milton Waddams: The ratio of people to cake is too big.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SHAUN OF THE DEAD

Shaun: [To David about Ed] He's not my boyfriend!
Ed: [handing beer to Shaun] It might be a bit warm, the cooler was off.
Shaun: Thanks, babe. [winks]


[looking through Shaun's LPs for suitable records to throw at two approaching zombies]
Ed: Purple Rain.
Shaun: No.
Ed: Sign o' the Times.
Shaun: Definitely not.
Ed: The Batman soundtrack?
Shaun: Throw it.


Pete: It's four in the fucking morning!
Shaun: It's Saturday!
Pete: No, it's not. It's fucking Sunday. And I've got to go to fucking work in four fucking hours 'cos every other fucker in my fucking department is fucking ill! Now can you see why I'm SO FUCKING ANGRY?
Ed: Fuck, yeah!


Ed: What's the plan then?
Shaun: Right. [Cuts to dream sequence]
Shaun: We take Pete's car, we drive over to mum's, we go in, take care of Phillip - "I'm so sorry Phillip". - then we grab mum, we go over to Liz's place, hole up, have a cup of tea and wait for this whole thing to blow over.
Ed: Why have we got to go to Liz's?
Shaun: Because we do.
Ed: But she dumped you!
Shaun: I have to know if she's all right!
Ed: Why?
Shaun: Because I love her!
Ed: All right... gayyy... I'm not staying there, though.
Shaun: Why not?
Ed: If we hole up, I wanna be somewhere familiar, I wanna know where the exits are, and I wanna be allowed to smoke.
Shaun: Okay. [cuts to dream sequence again]
Shaun: We take Pete's car, go around mum's, go in, deal with Phillip - "Sorry Phillip!" - grab mum, go to Liz's, pick her up, bring her back here, have a cup of tea and wait for this whole thing to blow over.
Ed: Perfect!
Shaun: No, no, no, no, no, wait, we can't bring her back here.
Ed: Why not?
Shaun: Well, it's not really safe, is it?
Ed: Yeah, look at the state of it.
Shaun: Where's safe? where's familiar?
Ed: Where can I smoke? [Shaun and Ed pause then slowly make a realization]
Shaun: [cuts to dream sequence a third time] Take car. Go to mum's. Kill Phil - "Sorry." - grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all of this to blow over. How's that for a slice of fried gold?
Ed: Yeah, boyyyeee! [Shaun and Ed clang weapons together]


[describing the zombies]
Dianne: Vacant, with a hint of sadness. Like a drunk who's lost a bet.


David (to Liz): You still haven't met his mum?
Shaun: Not yet!
Dianne: Don't you get on with your mum, Shaun?
Shaun: It's not that I don't get on with her...
David: Are you ashamed of your mum, Shaun?
Shaun: No! I love my mum!
Ed: I love his mum too.
Shaun: Ed!
Ed: [singing] She's like butter!
Shaun: Ed!


Shaun: As Mr. Sloan always says, there is no "I" in team, but there is an "I" in pie. And there's an "I" in meat pie. Meat is the anagram of team... I don't know what he was talking about.


Shaun: [to a zombie girl in the garden] Excuse me? [no response]
Shaun: Excuse me? [no response]
Shaun: Hellew? [no response]
Ed: [picks up a pebble and throws it off her back] Oi! [girl turns round, obviously a zombie]
Shaun: Oh, my God!.... She's so drunk!


Shaun (in pub, talking to Liz): It's not that I don't wanna spend time with you, cause I do. It's just... Ed doesn't have too many friends.
Ed (in background): Can I get... any of you cunts... a drink?

Ellie is schooling me in the fine art of mix CDs, and so I decided to post some details about the songs on my CD. I hope you all got it and enjoy it! Sarah and Hannah, yours are coming soon!

As I was writing this up, however, I realized how bittersweet and rather depressing this mix is! Please don't worry -- I'm quite happy! Really! But I love meaningful, somber songs about memories, I guess. So when I was listening to Ellie's CD last night and crying during "Nightswimming," I was actually really happy. Really! Hope no one got too sad listening to my CD.

"Divine" Uncle Earl
It's very much a spiritual, but I like the staccato crispness of the verses followed by the wailing refrain. I am revealing a soft spot for the gospel sound of this song, but it's also really haunting. A bit spooky actually – so very much in keeping with the otherworldliness that most gospel music strives to evoke. And would you ever think that a group called Uncle Earl would be full of women? With these voices? (I think of the name "Earl" and it's all bbq stains and Dixie Chicks and that new TV show with Jason Lee that Topher loves!)

"What Are You Waiting For?" Kathleen Edwards
OK, you may be skeptical of what I'm about to say, but Entertainment Weekly knows its stuff when it comes to reviewing music, for the most part. I read their review of Kathleen Edwards' Back to Me, went right out to buy it, and I can't stop listening to it. I think she's an Alanis for me now that I'm older – okay, so I know Alanis is 30, too, but seriously, I'm just not that angry anymore. And I probably never was. Still, don't you love the edge of Edwards' voice? I thought you would all like her sound, too. "Then we drive through the old neighborhood / all the corners where we stood / An hour passes you don't even blink/ I'm writing you off and you still can't speak." This song is angry, yes, but there's realism in that anger. Hmmm – I know I've felt like this even though I'm not sure when.

"Reuben" The Be Good Tanyas
It was actually Mark who suggested I listen to the Be Good Tanyas (he claimed that his bandmates made fun of him for listening to this group – but can't you see how he and the rest of us would enjoy this group's sound?) And how could you not want to listen to a group with this name? All the tracks I've included here are from Chinatown. I like how this song keeps building, and then just ends – of course, I want it to keep going with the great "Reuben"(that's 4 syllables) chorus.

"Gravity" Alison Krauss & Union Station
This first track on their latest really struck home with me. "The people who love me, still ask me / When are you coming back to town? / And I answer, quite frankly, when they stop building roads / and all God needs is gravity to hold me down." Maybe some of you feel like this? Tied to roots in some way but wanting to keep moving away from them to some extent?


"My Friends" Dar Williams
Beauty & greatness are in you all, my friends. You are all those friends in bright and distant towns who remember every part of me.

"Let It Be So" Victoria Williams
I'm really wondering what you all think of her voice – like it? hate it? It took me some getting used to, but this song is great to drift along to on some random afternoon. Kristine gave me this CD – when I heard it, I thought about how much all of you would enjoy it, too.

"New Strings" Miranda Lambert
I hope you'll forgive me this twangy sin. But I like to drive down the highway to this song -- the chorus just rocks right along with me. And I pretend I play guitar. And that I'm all kinds of hick.

"What Do You Hear in These Sounds?" Dar Williams
Yeah, it's about therapy – but it has that nice, positive, we're-all-in-this-world-soup –together feel to it.

"Take These Chains" Uncle Earl
More pretty Uncle Earl. I know, just sounds weird. Old guy in a t-shirt weird. But pretty!

"Cradle and All" Ani DiFranco
This one's for Ellie in particular because I know she loves Ani!!

"Back to Me" Kathleen Edwards
I love it when she sings, "I got ways to make you sing my songs and ones I ain't written yet." Just enjoyable – you know, in that nasty sort of way.

"Walkin’ In My Sleep" Uncle Earl
Ok, just in case you needed hoedown music!! It's fun, isn't it? I thought LeAnn might like to play this for Asher – you know, when she doesn't want him to fall asleep, ha ha! But other friends have told me that music like this is really popular with their kiddos. And this one is, uh, a bit more appropriate than the Dixie Chicks' "White Trash Wedding," the song my friend Holly said her 8-year-old son enjoyed to hear in the car! **And double bonus, LeAnn! Great song for tormenting Jason – I say this because Topher HATES music like this and that makes me thinks Jason probably does, too!**

"Notion" Barbara Kessler
Honestly?? Either this or more Dar.

"These Hills" Iris Dement
I really wanted to include Dement's "Our Town" –but not enough room here. So, I chose this song of hers because "these hills that I call home" are the Flint Hills for me. I was telling LeAnn that I still do the "Highway 150 cry" when we leave my parents' house. And now I'm realizing how incredibly depressing and somber this CD is! Goodness! Ok, I am already considering a sequel with upbeat stuff. But then, this kind of music really doesn't lend itself to upbeat material, does it?

"The End of Summer" Dar Williams
Yeah, really somber. Moving on but leaving things behind. Wow. Now I'm really a bit more depressed than I need to be right now.

"The Blessings" Dar Williams
I gave up. More Dar.


"There Is a Reason" Alison Krauss & Union Station
Religious, yes – but this is the kind of religious music I appreciate. It's vaguely hymn-like, but it's also very realistic in its confession and expression of desire for faith. It reminds me why I'm such a traditionalist when it comes to music at church.

"Good Things" Kathleen Edwards
This song is my most important choice for this CD. And I just want you to listen to it, carefully. Maybe you'll get why it's so significant for me, for all of us. The first time I heard the following verse, I just froze: "There are some things I used to be / Won’t you find the will just to remind me / Because you are so safe inside my memory / And the scar underneath my knee."

"It's Not Happening" The Be Good Tanyas
More Tanyas


So cry a bit, sing a bit, and enjoy!

Accursed demon inhabited ecuadorian computers! I have written two entries only to have them eaten...and then I discovered that for some reason only the title of this one appeared. Much gnashing of teeth and seething through the same!

Okay, well, anyway. This was titled teenagers because I wrote it when I was sitting next to a gang of high school kids writing some sort of essay about human reproduction. It was clearly the funniest thing in the world(oh, my, the word colostrum...how can you not laugh?) Could we have once been so annoying? Well, girlies and boy-o, yes, I´m afraid so. At least adolescence is a disease that passes...

More than anything, I´m looking forward to knowing you all again as you now are. You´ve all got a clean slate with me...well, sorry, Elly, not you, and that spelling of your name should reveal that.

A couple people asked for my address. So here you go:

PCV Hannah Bennett
Casilla 01-01-2001
Cuenca, Azuay
Ecuador, South America

And yess, I´´m staying. It is both a blessing and a curse to be unable to quit things(except boring office jobs), and so here I stay. And so, hasta Marzo.

A side note...anyone ever read Salman Rushdie? I am in the middle of the Moor``s last sigh. It is so excellent.

"this would be the soundtrack." Thanks, Lesley. (That's a big compliment, so I'm going to brag about it!)

Has everyone gotten my mix yet? (Except for Sarah, because I don't have her address, and Hannah, because I'm waiting to fill a package.)

It was so much fun putting this together. Some CDs I needed to dust off, for I hadn't listened to them in years. Others, like the Spin Doctors, make really good cleaning music. (You can't help but dance along to their retrospective album.) And I have recently rediscovered Suzanne Vega and listen to her often.

It's interesting talking to Tim, about music and music memories. He worships at the altar of sound, the transformative power of music, and has so many albums and songs that evoke particular times and emotions in his life. It makes me think, actually, about how sheltered we were from contemporary music and, unfortunately, how much we missed out on.

In recent years, I've gone back and caught up on post punk and new wave: The Cure, The Smiths, Depeche Mode, and so on. Also old-school rap: Tribe Called Quest, Black Sheep, De La Soul, all of the Native Tongues collective. And I think about how different things would have been for us--for me--if we had access to this music as teenagers.

For one, I would have discovered all-black costumes a lot sooner, and my sense of style would be drastically different. (No doubt the next step would have been goth clubs.) But in new wave, all that angst that I only knew how to express through bad poetry would have had a voice and a good melody.

Pour deux, I probably would be a better dancer today, and would have become more aware of social issues and the world around me.

Lesley and I were discussing how music moves us. Some of you may have read my paean (yes, that's a link to the entry) to Ani DiFranco's album Little Plastic Castles and have your own album that harken a specific time for you. It seems that the older we get, the fewer albums we discover that define our lives in the moment. Because we don't have as many "coming of age" moments now.

So that's why I wish I could have had more access to music as a teen. My parents' record collection gave me a great foundation into '60s rock and folk--for which I am eternally grateful and will someday plunder once I buy my own record player--but I still miss the critical discovery of my own generation's music. It's just not the same if you hear it when you're knocking on 30.

Hey everyone! I'm so excited... Garrett and I now have a new baby cousin, Abigail Hope Woods! Our Aunt Jenny *mom's sister* and her husband, Pete, have been waiting for what seems like an eternity, but they finally have her in their arms!

They went to China on October 31st and just received her today... so it's been an intense 8 days, let alone the wait of the last year or so.
Isn't she sweet? She's a little over a year old... has 4 teeth already and can walk; the jury is out on the potty-training decision, but i'm sure we'll find out VERY soon.

I asked them to bring a kid home for me, too... so, keep your fingers crossed! :)







Mother and Daughter!





















Oh yeah... she definitely loves Pete best! :)















Asleep At Last!

Lesley, the disc arrived and I LOVE IT! And I think experiences far outweigh things that are bought. As far as presents, getting dear friends again is greater than anything. I couldn't ask for more.

Good things by Kathleen Edwards is one of the songs Lesley included especially for her and I. But I think, after reading the lyrics, its for all of us too.


I've got a long, long list of things
That no one needs to see
Desk drawers filled with picture frames
Postcards tucked in underneath
We were only young when we moved away
It went on and on for years
You fell in love and now you live in the city
I'm my own company out here

Don't get down
Good things come when you stop waiting around
Good things come when you stop looking
Don't get down
You've just got to stop looking

There are some things that I believe
Like if you've got nothing you've still got your family
And when you are no one you're still the king
And there's not a dollar enough in the world to
make you sing

So don't get down
Good things come when you stop waiting around
Good things come when you stop looking
Don't get down
You've just got to stop looking

There are some things I used to be
Won't you find the will just to remind me
Because you are so safe inside my memory
And the scar underneath my knee


Maybe, just maybe we need to be together, not only for ourselves, but to remind us of who we really are. Someone once said that you need, long for the friends you had when you were young. For the people who knew you when...

That's what I have, and I find that wonderous person again. (If ONLY I had her smaller ass!) Don't get me wrong, I love my friends here, but you are all a part of the real me.

I thought this kitty was Mira, and then I completely blanked. And I don't have an excuse not to remember -- it's not like they are twins like our cats!


 

I look like dork in this picture, but here we are anyway. Do you like the suspenders I made?

I haven't posted for about a week and I feel as though I'm so out of the loop. We've been enduring the magic of teething at our house. It hasn't been too bad. Asher was sick for two days about a week ago and the rest of the time has just been some trouble sleeping at night. No fun for me, but not as bad as it could be I suppose.

So, Halloween wasn't much of a thing here. I've never really gotten into it anyway, but we did decide to make a little costume for the baby. He was a fireman! If I get motivated I shall try to learn how to post a picture. I promised myself I wouldn't force a million baby pictures on all of you but I feel it's ok now since others are sharing a few family pics...

This is a cool thing. My nephew (sophomore in high school) is on the drumline at Lansing High and we went to watch their halftime show on Tuesday night. Just me and my parents, actually. Jason and Asher stayed home and bonded. I agree heartily with Lesley regarding aunthood...very very cool. My nephew is my first little boy in a way, although he's much bigger than me now. He still wasn't too big to come over and give auntie a big hug in front of the WHOLE football crowd after halftime. I almost cried.

As you all know, I'm a lonely only. This situation was great when I was a kid - but now, as I get older, I often wish I had brothers and sisters. And I often wonder what my siblings would be like if I had any. (Or aunts, uncles, and cousins for that matter -- my parents are only children, too) Sometimes, when I meet new people, I find ones who seem to have the kinds of qualities I think my siblings would have -- as though they are a mesh of me and my parents, yet have a prevalence of one characteristic or another. Or I love to find other people who are only children and bond over that fact. It's just a life-long "what if?" for me.

Considering my only-child status, my in-laws think I'm a strange bird because I'm simply not used to the kinds of teasing, slamming, and intense relationship negotiating that goes on among siblings. When Topher teases his younger sister Abby, I'm always shocked, don't say that to your sister! I hiss. And they BOTH look at me like I'm the offending agent. I just don't get it.

But I married into a wonderful (and larger!) family. You may remember seeing some of them at our wedding -- especially Tina, Topher's beautiful, BEAUTIFUL sister who tackles anything, anytime, anywhere and just gets it done. I often stand in awe of what I see her accomplish for her family -- and she's the most wonderful hostess at our gatherings. She and her husband Qais live in Naperville (near Chicago) and have two daughters, Tibet and Zainah -- and I love hearing "Aunt Lesley" (I mean, I had no idea I might EVER hear that - and it just sounds nice.) They are both very creative and intelligent -- Tibet is even an aspiring writer! So we always talk books, and they remind me what it was like to really love books as a kid. Topher's other sister Abby lives in Boston -- she's very much like her brother, so we always have lots to talk about concerning literature, what we've read, etc. Of course, she's very much like her brother, so she likes to tease me a little -- nothing I don't deserve. :) Topher's mom (no picture below, sorry!) is a great mother-in-law -- she and her boyfriend Larry live in north Topeka. When we visited for the 4th of July last summer, she made me a dress in a day while we were staying there! And I mean, the dress rocks -- bold stripes, halter top, cocktail party dress. Her new job has been making dresses/clothing to sell, and she has an amazing knack for it. But it's so nice to have more family, sisters and nieces! I like knowing that the holidays are a big affair -- a nice contrast from the quiet intimate holiday gatherings of my childhood.

This Thanksgiving, my parents will join us all in Naperville -- btw, this tradition started two years ago when Toph and I hit a deer and totalled our car on the journey back to Kansas. We weren't hurt, but no more car! So my parents made the trip to Illinois last minute, and we all spent Thanksgiving Day with Topher's family. I was nervous about it initially, but it ended up being a great holiday. Just like me, my parents enjoyed knowing that they were now a part of a larger family.




Qais and Tina Azar, Tibet Azar, Qais's mom (visiting from Jordan!), Abby Allen, Zainah Azar, Toph and me, last Thanksgiving