This is why I'm a suck-tacular friend
So give me advice on how to be a better one. Or at least what to do in this situation.
A few of you might remember my friend WendySue from college. She and I kept in touch after we both left Emporia, though increasingly sporadically, and in the past two to three years, very rarely. Actually, in the past year not at all, because:
Last April, I got a mass e-mail from her stating that her sister had unexpectedly passed away (I think she was older than WS, so she may have been in her mid- to late 30s). I read it at work, was in the midst of some crisis or other, and decided it needed a more thoughtful response than an e-mail reply, so I filed it away to give some time to later. Well, I kept forgetting and kept forgetting (not to mention I was cripplingly depressed a year ago, so I had a hard enough time being a good friend to myself, let alone anyone else). Still keep forgetting, though at this point, I'm really so very ashamed at not sending her anything, that it prevents me from doing anything.
(Also, I'm reeeeally bad at dealing with tragedy. Honestly, if I were in her situation, I would have holed up and not even probably told my closest friends what had happened, because I can't bear for people to be all kind and concerned--I just want to avoid thinking or talking about anything until I'm past the crisis mode and ready to deal. I guess I have to learn to accomodate others who don't deal the way I do, though.)
Anyway. At this point, WS and I aren't really friends anymore, but I know it would have been a nice gesture for me to have contacted her.
Should I just let it fade into the past?
Or, I know the one-year anniversary of her sister's death is coming up in a little over a month. Would it be creepy/weird/inappropriate for me to drop her a note, letting her know I'm thinking of her on the anniversary? I know sometimes what I've heard people who've lost someone say is that they get so much support immediately following the death, but that fades after a few months, while they're just starting to learn how to cope.
Help! Also, if you do think I should contact her, any wording help on how to explain why I haven't written sooner without making the letter all about me would be great.
A few of you might remember my friend WendySue from college. She and I kept in touch after we both left Emporia, though increasingly sporadically, and in the past two to three years, very rarely. Actually, in the past year not at all, because:
Last April, I got a mass e-mail from her stating that her sister had unexpectedly passed away (I think she was older than WS, so she may have been in her mid- to late 30s). I read it at work, was in the midst of some crisis or other, and decided it needed a more thoughtful response than an e-mail reply, so I filed it away to give some time to later. Well, I kept forgetting and kept forgetting (not to mention I was cripplingly depressed a year ago, so I had a hard enough time being a good friend to myself, let alone anyone else). Still keep forgetting, though at this point, I'm really so very ashamed at not sending her anything, that it prevents me from doing anything.
(Also, I'm reeeeally bad at dealing with tragedy. Honestly, if I were in her situation, I would have holed up and not even probably told my closest friends what had happened, because I can't bear for people to be all kind and concerned--I just want to avoid thinking or talking about anything until I'm past the crisis mode and ready to deal. I guess I have to learn to accomodate others who don't deal the way I do, though.)
Anyway. At this point, WS and I aren't really friends anymore, but I know it would have been a nice gesture for me to have contacted her.
Should I just let it fade into the past?
Or, I know the one-year anniversary of her sister's death is coming up in a little over a month. Would it be creepy/weird/inappropriate for me to drop her a note, letting her know I'm thinking of her on the anniversary? I know sometimes what I've heard people who've lost someone say is that they get so much support immediately following the death, but that fades after a few months, while they're just starting to learn how to cope.
Help! Also, if you do think I should contact her, any wording help on how to explain why I haven't written sooner without making the letter all about me would be great.
posted by LE at 12:51 PM
5 Comments:
Also, I made taco dip on Thursday for a co-worker's wedding shower, and the leftovers are still in the fridge. It has ground beef in it. It is still ok to eat on Monday?
Isn't it three to 4 days for leftovers?
I think that she would be glad to hear from you even though it has been awhile. Just tell her that you were thinking of her. Letting her know that you are still there and extending that to her. Just leave it at her end and if she wants to respond she will. She could be sitting there wondering what happened to you. It doesn't have to be a long note and you don't have to go in to detail about anything that has happened in the last year. Short and sweet and it will be her choice to respond.
I think Sarah is right. You don't have to really talk about details, you could just say that you have felt bad for not keeping in contact and you want to see how she's doing. Or, if you feel compelled to address the whole sister thing, you could always be really open and say that you had meant to contact her and you are sorry that you didn't. Either way I think would be appropriate, it just depends which you think would be better.
This was timely. I just got another mass e-mail from her, but good news this time: a link to the hospital Web site announcing her second child's birth. I will definitely send her a letter.
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