Remembering Topher
In response to Lesley's e-mail with the eulogies, I started to think about how I knew Topher, and where it all began. This is what I wrote to her.
I remember the first night I met him . . . I think. Now I'm not so sure. I remember visiting you when you were a freshman. Christian Challenge (though I recall it being named BSU back then) went to Manhattan for a dance. That could have been the night, though now I don't remember the part he played in the evening.
The first night he made a lasting impression on me was at your house. So it was probably Christmas break? He showed us all sorts of card tricks. Actual good ones that took some skill. Though I guess part of me was all "Lesley's dating a guy who does card tricks??" I knew at that time how deeply in love you were, and I loved him for being so cool and nice to your nerdy young friends.
I have since experienced being immediately liked, by that I mean given a chance based on knowing someone else (street cred, if you will?), but he was the first one to do it: automatically assume we would enjoy each other's friendship because we both had something in common: loving you.
And I remember you showing us (probably another time) this long love letter he wrote to you. Not so much for content, but for style. The one where he took that huge piece of wrapping paper and covered the entire back side with teensy script, probably professing his eternal love for you. At the time, I was, of course, madly envious because I wanted a guy like that, and also heartened that you had found one (therefore, it was entirely possible that I could find one, too). And in retrospect, I am doubly impressed, as whenever I sit down to write a love letter, it usually goes like this: "Dear Tim. You are the love of my life. Ok, bye."
I have a picture of him at your wedding, with us bridesmaids. He has a gleam in his eye, no doubt provoked in part by being surrounded by bridesmaid beauties, but mostly by the recent ceremony linking him to the light of his life.
I remember the first night I met him . . . I think. Now I'm not so sure. I remember visiting you when you were a freshman. Christian Challenge (though I recall it being named BSU back then) went to Manhattan for a dance. That could have been the night, though now I don't remember the part he played in the evening.
The first night he made a lasting impression on me was at your house. So it was probably Christmas break? He showed us all sorts of card tricks. Actual good ones that took some skill. Though I guess part of me was all "Lesley's dating a guy who does card tricks??" I knew at that time how deeply in love you were, and I loved him for being so cool and nice to your nerdy young friends.
I have since experienced being immediately liked, by that I mean given a chance based on knowing someone else (street cred, if you will?), but he was the first one to do it: automatically assume we would enjoy each other's friendship because we both had something in common: loving you.
And I remember you showing us (probably another time) this long love letter he wrote to you. Not so much for content, but for style. The one where he took that huge piece of wrapping paper and covered the entire back side with teensy script, probably professing his eternal love for you. At the time, I was, of course, madly envious because I wanted a guy like that, and also heartened that you had found one (therefore, it was entirely possible that I could find one, too). And in retrospect, I am doubly impressed, as whenever I sit down to write a love letter, it usually goes like this: "Dear Tim. You are the love of my life. Ok, bye."
I have a picture of him at your wedding, with us bridesmaids. He has a gleam in his eye, no doubt provoked in part by being surrounded by bridesmaid beauties, but mostly by the recent ceremony linking him to the light of his life.
posted by LE at 7:10 PM
1 Comments:
I am long overdue in thanking Ellie, here, for this tribute, this letter. When she sent it to me, it marked a shift in my feelings -- namely, that I was warmed by the memories of my early days with Topher and not pained with regret. That has been a steady change in me -- memories really do bring comfort as time passes. Now, when I remember something good, I smile, or smirk, and enjoy my private joke with the heavens. It still hurts sometimes, and I choke out a cry from what's lost, but I'm also able to hold it all much more positively. It resides right inside me, a comfort instead of a burden. Such a change, even slight, is a blessing.
And with that being said, I am actually doing well. Even (dare I say it?) happy -- in my new job, meeting wonderful new colleagues, going to a fantastic church (actually, two), and reveling in the fact that I am now a professor. And not only do I need this place, but they seem to need me, and that feels good. I hate it that T is not here to enjoy these new experiences with me -- but at least I can honor him by doing well, even by being happy in new beginnings.
I am grateful to all of you for keeping me close in so many ways this summer. Thank you. I'll keep in touch, here and on facebook. I'll have much to share about my new world.
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