babies
I´m glad that you guys wrote all that stuff about babies being gross..and also about how it is to have your own.
About a quarter of the time I´m grossed out by kids here...dirty little sticky faces, homemade diapers made out of chunks of old sweater, the landlady´s two year old coming over and demanding balloons or raisins, and then hitting me. Once I was in the back of a truck, which is how I get back to my town, if I´m not walking, and this lady had her three kids with her. All of them had various greasy snacks(pig skin is big here) and suckers and chocolate...It was one of the more unpleasant sights that I´ve had here...they kept fighting and she just ignored them. I had to go into my house and stay there, listening to american music and drinking black tea, for a couple of hours before I could deal with ecuador again.
But. Then there´s the other three quarters of the time, when every single child is adorable. The days when the neighbor´s two year old gives me a big hug, when I walk home and hear "Senorita Anita!" yelled down from the mountains, little indigenous girls in their native dress, etc, etc, etc...and my ovaries start getting going. Especially because when I was home, Eliza was talking about having a baby in couple of years(No, no, no, I felt like saying...I¨M the oldest, I´m supposed to do everything first). And telling me that after thirty it gets harder to concieve...she´ll be an OBGYN in a few months, maybe she knows. She told her almost sister in law that, and the poor woman went to nepal and got knocked up almost as soon as she stepped off the plane, at age almost thirty(it was intentional). It worked out well for her, but then, she´s a lawyer, and has a good income.
The thing is, I´m ready emotionally and mentally, but no where near financially. And I have no partner. I never thought I´d feel like I was getting too old to get pregnant...in high school and college I had recurring nightmares of such a thing. But now, my nightmares are of being without family. Usually, if there´s something I want to do, I go out and get 'er done. But this is somewhat different.
About a quarter of the time I´m grossed out by kids here...dirty little sticky faces, homemade diapers made out of chunks of old sweater, the landlady´s two year old coming over and demanding balloons or raisins, and then hitting me. Once I was in the back of a truck, which is how I get back to my town, if I´m not walking, and this lady had her three kids with her. All of them had various greasy snacks(pig skin is big here) and suckers and chocolate...It was one of the more unpleasant sights that I´ve had here...they kept fighting and she just ignored them. I had to go into my house and stay there, listening to american music and drinking black tea, for a couple of hours before I could deal with ecuador again.
But. Then there´s the other three quarters of the time, when every single child is adorable. The days when the neighbor´s two year old gives me a big hug, when I walk home and hear "Senorita Anita!" yelled down from the mountains, little indigenous girls in their native dress, etc, etc, etc...and my ovaries start getting going. Especially because when I was home, Eliza was talking about having a baby in couple of years(No, no, no, I felt like saying...I¨M the oldest, I´m supposed to do everything first). And telling me that after thirty it gets harder to concieve...she´ll be an OBGYN in a few months, maybe she knows. She told her almost sister in law that, and the poor woman went to nepal and got knocked up almost as soon as she stepped off the plane, at age almost thirty(it was intentional). It worked out well for her, but then, she´s a lawyer, and has a good income.
The thing is, I´m ready emotionally and mentally, but no where near financially. And I have no partner. I never thought I´d feel like I was getting too old to get pregnant...in high school and college I had recurring nightmares of such a thing. But now, my nightmares are of being without family. Usually, if there´s something I want to do, I go out and get 'er done. But this is somewhat different.
posted by Hannah at 7:29 AM
7 Comments:
I don´t think not wanting to have a kid CP is a selfish reason. Although, no matter what, there´s always the possiblity of problems happening. Another thing Eliza the life planner told me is that if she doesn´t have kids before she´s 35, she´s not going to have any, because she doesn´t want a special needs child, and then the risk really goes up...she´s into percentages, maybe a little too much. I repeated that to Hallie, and she said, "well. Why doesn´t she just make one now, and freeze it till it´s perfect?" Which cracked me up. I love my sisters. I know that whenever they are together, they probably make fun of me and my strange wandering hippie ways, just as when I´m with one of them we talk smack on the other.
David sounds wonderful. I have a picture of him in my mind, but it´s probably all wrong. Do you have a picture?
Getting down and dirty. In the master bedroom.
No comment
My mom has USUALLY been pretty chill about not talking about wanting grandkids too badly. Maybe it's because I've always been so vocal about NOT having them, and Katie wants them so she figures she'll get a few through her.
But a month ago or so, we were talking about something un-baby-related. Grad school, I think, and she says, out of the total blue, "and you can get pregnant while you're in grad school! Lots of women do it that way!"
I think I made a comment like "oh yeah, that's a great way to RUIN my life! Good idea, PAULA."
Tim generally feels the same way I do, but occasionally will talk about wanting kids some day. My interaction with the kids at the shelter is really enough for me, and, frankly, scares the crap out of me about my own potential progeny. Also, I'm still at a point where being with Tim is so wonderful and fun, I wouldn't want the focus to be shifted away from us to a mostly bratty, rebellious child with only moments of sweetness (I fully believe my mother's curse of "I hope you have a child JUST LIKE YOU!" will come true).
And my co-workers at the shelter are merciless, too, always teasing me about having kids.
So. For the record: I don't hate children. I just. don't. want one.
Ok Fletch (is it ok if I still call you that? Ever since Hannah coined "Fletcher" in high school I've thought of you that way), about the photos...when you are creating a post, there is a little blue and green button on the toolbar of your post that you click on to add an image. Then a pop-up window will come up and you can click on the Browse button and go to where they are on your computer and select them just like you're attaching one to an email. Then it will show up in your post.
By the way, if you have a pop-up blocker on your computer, you probably know this (but I didn't at first so I'm telling you just in case)...you have to hold down the control key while you click on "Add Image" so that the window will actually pop up.
Yeah...babies are definitely gross. Asher is either teething or caught a cold this weekend (I caught a cold myself so I'm betting on the latter) and the fluids just don't do it for me. Thankfully he is not very sick at all...I think due to nursing he has been able to avoid serious illness. I pray a lot about it too, because when it comes to his discomfort or pain I am a total basket case, so I'm sure I've been divinely spared a sick child. So far, anyway. You never know.
So yes...babies are nasty creatures. Things change for you after you have one of course. You don't really think so much about the grossness of stuff, at least not a lot of it. Some stuff is just revolting no matter what. But dealing with your own is ok. And Ellie...dang, I can't stop myself from typing Elly and then having to go back and correct it...I highly recommend waiting if you have that luxury. Jason and I were married five years before we decided we were ready, and then it took another year besides that before we were actually expecting (for real anyway), and I wouldn't go back and do things earlier if I could. We had too much fun hanging out and not having to worry about stuff.
And then I'm glad that I was younger and had them. Now when Decker is in college I'll be just 42. Crazy to think he'll graduate in just 10 years.
As for the baby being your own and not being gross, that's just wrong. They still were. Especially since I have one that was a puker. He threw up everywhere. Him being mine only made it more embarassing, not easier.
It's easier to be super crazy in love with them when they are yours though. And while I loved mine as babies, I totally dig them and am more in love with them now that they are older. The best day here was when everyone could finally wipe their OWN butt. No one screaming "Mommy can you wipe my butt?" from the bathroom.
As for the ticking time clock lodged deep in the female psyche, I'm not immune. I have three wonderful, beautiful children that have a fantastic mix of personalities. But I still have that little voice that says "awww, babies. I want another one." I was thinking how much I missed the good parts of them being little, sleeping, the baby smell (the good baby smell, not the bad one), the firsts. Then I looked at mine playing and thought "What is wrong with you!?" I hated the rest of it, the puking, upchucking, stinky pants, drooling up all night eww that comes with it. Gross. I just don't have the patience for that. It would also take away from them and the adventures we could have together. But the clock still jumps in to scream baby even though I'm done.
I told Marc that if we would have waited till about now to have kids I wouldn't have had any.
That's not to say that we might not have anymore, she'd be adopted and know how to wipe her own butt.
Now, that was funny. And kind of slowed the clock down.
I thought Ellie(you know, it´s just not fair. I remember refusing to write your name Elly way back in second grade. Then just when I get used to that, you change it back. Yes, I know it was about fifteen years, but some habits die hard.) named gretchen fletcher. But I know it had to do with the dumb shirt I insisted on wearing that said Norge on it.
Oh, god, clothes. I used to hate my body so much...and I thought big T-shirts were the way to go. Thankfully, I can honestly say that I am friends with my body now. And my Tshirts are not so huge anymore.
You're right, Jen, babies ARE still gross. I guess I don't see it as much because I don't have a puker and because he is hardly ever sick (hence, very few kleenex days...although we're having one now). I think if I DO have a puker one day I will recall this and shudder.
Hannah, silly, you were always gorgeous!
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