What's with the weather anyway?
Yesterday and the day before were so nice! Asher and I were outside both afternoons, and in fact I suspect he ate a good amount of dirt yesterday while crawling around in the back yard. I had ordered some bulbs in the fall, forgotten about them, and then remembered, so I planted them yesterday afternoon with his help. He did actually have dirt around his mouth when we went back inside...at least it's organic. So anyway, it was so nice out, and today it's cold and very dark and cloudy. It looks like twilight outside and it's 11 am. And I know that the month of March or April is probably going to be about 30 below to make up for all the great weather there was earlier.
So what's new? My sister turned 40 this week. We congregated at one of those Japanese restaurants where your table is around a grill. All the kids thought that was about the greatest thing ever, and I tried not to feel guilty for letting my father pay for the expensive meal.
It wasn't so weird, my sister turning 40, except that we're 10 years apart and so I was reminded by that that I am about to turn 30 and it sounds so odd. I feel 21. I don't want to feel 30. This is what I kept thinking and then I realized that I DO feel 30 because this is probably what everyone feels who IS 30. Anyway, I have 3 months to get used to the idea.
I've been depressed lately about my nursery/greenhouse idea because I realize I don't know nearly enough to do it, and I'll probably have to go back to school first which just puts the whole thing farther into the future. Farther? Further? Anyway, it was at least 10 or 15 years off to begin with because we cannot remotely afford to think about buying land or building anything right now.
Oh, get this. I hear that Emporia is seriously considering year-round school for 2007. I haven't asked Jason about this because I keep forgetting, but some of the elementary people told me. This is a travesty. I experienced an "extended" school year when I was at Butcher here in town (closed now, by the way), and I felt so sorry for those kids. There was about a two or three week break at the end of every quarter with a shortened summer, and there were "programs" for the kids to attend during the breaks. So for a lot of them it was exactly like being in school all year long except for that short summertime, and I think it's an awful thing to do to a kid, even if some of the interim programs ARE fun. They're going to have to grow up and work all year long for fifty years, why make them start when they're 5? Argh.
I look back and wonder where this strange conglomeration of ideas came from, but I'll post all of them anyway.
So what's new? My sister turned 40 this week. We congregated at one of those Japanese restaurants where your table is around a grill. All the kids thought that was about the greatest thing ever, and I tried not to feel guilty for letting my father pay for the expensive meal.
It wasn't so weird, my sister turning 40, except that we're 10 years apart and so I was reminded by that that I am about to turn 30 and it sounds so odd. I feel 21. I don't want to feel 30. This is what I kept thinking and then I realized that I DO feel 30 because this is probably what everyone feels who IS 30. Anyway, I have 3 months to get used to the idea.
I've been depressed lately about my nursery/greenhouse idea because I realize I don't know nearly enough to do it, and I'll probably have to go back to school first which just puts the whole thing farther into the future. Farther? Further? Anyway, it was at least 10 or 15 years off to begin with because we cannot remotely afford to think about buying land or building anything right now.
Oh, get this. I hear that Emporia is seriously considering year-round school for 2007. I haven't asked Jason about this because I keep forgetting, but some of the elementary people told me. This is a travesty. I experienced an "extended" school year when I was at Butcher here in town (closed now, by the way), and I felt so sorry for those kids. There was about a two or three week break at the end of every quarter with a shortened summer, and there were "programs" for the kids to attend during the breaks. So for a lot of them it was exactly like being in school all year long except for that short summertime, and I think it's an awful thing to do to a kid, even if some of the interim programs ARE fun. They're going to have to grow up and work all year long for fifty years, why make them start when they're 5? Argh.
I look back and wonder where this strange conglomeration of ideas came from, but I'll post all of them anyway.
posted by Anonymous at 8:42 AM
20 Comments:
THIRTY ROCKS! I looked forward to being thirty way more than turning 21. Thirty is so exciting! I love being in my thrities. I'm altogether now and feel like I'm prepared to really be an adult. To bad we think that but aren't in our early 20's when we really need it.
But thirty is AWESOME!
30 is -- okay. I have to admit, I have this need to still be in my 20s, hanging on to the final vestiges of what I view as youth. I now worry about those things I never imagined myself worrying about: crow's feet & endless skin products, slowwwwwwwwwwwing metabolism, getting too old to have kids, hair that isn't gray exactly, just getting dull (hence, a desperate need for highlights). Granted, these are physical issues -- and I don't want to worry about them. I always thought I would NOT worry about them -- but I can't help it. And there's also the fact that it's just -- weird. How can we be/approaching 30? When did this happen? I know it's not "old" -- but I'm not sure I'm enjoying it as much as I would have liked. It's probably because I wrote too many of those "By the time I'm 30, I want to...." lists when I was younger.
OK, on to other things. I understand, LeAnn, when you say it's hard not to feel guilty when parents buy dinner. We went to dinner with my parents at the Grand Central Hotel in Cottonwood Falls over Christmas -- yeah, I always wrestle with that, too. But one time, my dad told me firmly that whenever he and my mom ate out with his folks, my grandparents always paid. It was never a question. So, he sees it as a 'passing of the torch' sort of deal. And that made me accept it ever since. Now I sit back, eat, say thank you, and enjoy. And that's all they want for you to do. :)
I always was so annoyed with women in their 30s who would say all condescendingly, "Oh honey, just wait until your 30s. They're so much better, you'll have all your shit figured out, you'll be so much more grounded as a person..."
Fuck that. I dislike the idea that simply because I was 24 or 25 at that time, I didn't have X, Y, or Z. I HAD my shit together at 24, and I knew who I was as a person. Whether or not that person is the same exact one as today doesn't really matter to me.
The only reason I am not necessarily looking forward to turning 30 is that, ok, I do wish I had my master's degree before I turned, rather than just be starting it. And also, it bugs the craaaaaap out of me to have to tell people how old I am, and next year when I'm 30, they'll get even louder with their "OH MY GOD NO WAY YOU CAN'T BE ANY OLDER THAN TWENTY-TWO OH MY GOD OH NO WAY!"
Whoever thought that would be an acceptable thing to say? I have earned every single one of my 29.5 and I want credit for them.
Have I ranted about this before? Something tells me I have. Don't even bother telling me I'll appreciate that when I'm older. I already know I won't.
Oops. Um. I had a really bad day and I currently hate my co-workers so I came home to nurse a whiskey. That previous post might have been a bit angrier than it should have been.
I was together at 25 too, but your thirties are so much better. But what makes it better for me, I don't look thirty. On a bad day I'm 28 on a good day 24. It's a fun game to make people guess. But I hate it when people treat me like I'm 25. I've earned my years and want to be treated as such.
Yeah, that's what it is. I think in general it's pretty crap to be given respect based on how old someone thinks you are.
Though I suppose if no one expects me to be good because they think I'm young and unexperienced, then I don't have much to live up to.
I don't mind aging so far. I AM developing some eye wrinkles, and I think it gives me some character. It helps, though, to have a partner who thinks I'm going to make a beautiful old lady and doesn't ever stop telling me that.
I think that maybe being 30 isnt about having your shit all together as it about realizing that you really do have it all together. My birthday has never been an issue its the one day that is really mine even if it is cinco de mayo. I think my 30th was the best birthday id had in a long time. I went to the club and danced and drank like it was my 21st. For me my 20s were good by turning 30 i wanted to leave the shyness that hindered me in the past behind. I have for the most part and if im not talking its because i choose not to. I dont get freaked out about a number. Having bad hair that could however really do it for me.
Amen, Sarah. My 30th was much like yours -- great dinner, great dress, great drinks! I remember thinking I was making up for not doing anything like that on my 21st. (Actually, question to be answered if you like: what DID everyone do on their 21st birthdays? And what do you want to do on your 30th, for those who will turn 30 soon?) And double amen, Sarah, b/c my 30th was about me leaving some shyness and restriction behind, too -- well, okay, yeah, I still have more than I'd like, but I'm getting there.
Hm. 21st. Well, I woke up in Marion. I guess school hadn't started yet, or maybe I was home for the weekend. As I drove back o Emporia, I stopped by the Marion liquor store to pick up some Guinness. I wasn't carded. I was a bit miffed, for I guess that meant I could have been buying from there for years. Out to Bruff's with some friends that evening. I do remember the most delicious shot, called a Quaalude, that I've never ever been able to find anywhere else. I don't really remember much of the evening but taking someone home who was gracious enough to hold my hair back while I puked, then fixed me soup the next day.
I more remember feeling like ass the next day and watching TV when they had the news that Princess Diana was killed.
My 30th? I have no idea. I'll just have moved back to Chicago (well, assuming I get into grad school), and Tim will still be in Montgomery. Probably something with my sister or extended family. My relatives are great about celebrating birthdays.
For my 21st i do believe it was just before finals so i put off celebrating til the next week when we finished phase. Our whole phase section went out to lunch we celebrated being done and my birthday. Food laughs and lots of drinks. Then when molly (she gave up living in her sorority house to live there with me so i wouldnt have to live in the dorms again) finished that day we went out to dinner more drinks and a stop by the liquor store we sat in our apt (we lived in chatham across from the science hall on merchant) and drank ourselves sober. I still have the pics we took that night of us and our neighbor d. He was one of the few people we knew.
Ahhhhh...30. Well, hmm. Since most people still think I{m 22(but they aren{t looking closely...eye wrinkles.), I guess it doesn{t bother me to be turning 30. I just applied for a job that I really really want, even though it{s in denver and not madison. for some stupid reason, if I have good employment, I think turning 30 will be great. If not, I might feel like a loser, especially because Eliza will graduate from Med School and get married the same week I turn 30. That{s probably my biggest worry...I would like to have a partner.
My dad sort of ruined my 21st. I was at home, getting ready to move to Matfield Green for the summer. He is so proud of all of us, and likes to announce any minute thing that one of us does to everyone in town. He went to buy beer at the liquor store in Marion, and of course told the owner I was turning twenty one...so when I went in later they didn{t even card me. Whatever. I don{t even like drinking that much.
My 21st was spent in a fairly low-key and somewhat childlike way. My grandmother took us all out to eat at Kingfisher's, which she did for every major occasion, and we watched meteors in my parents' backyard. Topher was at GenCon in Milwaukee a few days before my actual birthday, and when he got back, we went to see Soul Coughing in Lawrence at the Granada. I remember that they carded me, didn't notice the date and that I was 21, so they first stamped the wrong hand. When they realized the error, they stamped the other one. I don't remember getting really drunk. By that time, I was 4 months away from getting married and probably had some weird definition of what being responsible meant....Come to think of it now, my 30th birthday WAS more like what a 21st should be.
LeAnn...
Why would you have to go back to school to start a greenhouse/nursery? I have an acquaintance who grows flowers to sell at the farmers market in lawrence...she went back to school at Manhattan to get a masters in greenhouse management. Or something like that. Anyway, she said it didn´t help that much, and really the best way to learn about managing a greenhouse is to manage a greenhouse.
Also, I might be able to help you.
A really great thing about being this age is that I have so much more confidence in my own abilities. Maybe it´s doing Peace Corps for two years, but I´m not afraid of new situations anymore.
However, I will say that there are disadvantages to looking young. I´m glad I applied for this latest job online. This way people only judge my resume and letter, and can´t see my baby face.
Sometimes I think looking younger than you are can be a secret weapon. When people assume I am younger, I feel that I've got some sort of advantage, that I've got this experience and knowledge they didn't even suspect. I'm not trying to sound sneaky -- it's just that it can be fun to surprise people in that way.
And with apologies to Sarah and all of you sick of Dar Williams (even including me to some extent!), I just couldn't help this. Last night, one of her songs came into my head related to our discussion of aging, experience, etc. So I posted the lyrics here.
"You're Aging Well"
Why is it that as we grow older and stronger
The road signs point us adrift and make us afraid
Saying "You never can win,"; ";Watch your back,"; ";Where's your husband?";
Oh I don't like the signs that the signmakers made.
So I'm going to steal out with my paint and brushes
I'll change the directions, I'll hit every street
It's the Tinseltown scandal, the Robin Hood vandal
She goes out and steals the King's English
And in the morning you wake up and the signs point to you
They say
"I'm so glad that you finally made it here,"
"You thought nobody cared, but I did, I could tell,"
And "This is your year," and ";It always starts here,";
And oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh, ";You're aging well.";
Well I know a woman with a collection of sticks
She could fight back the hundreds of voices she heard
And she could poke at the greed, she could fend off her need
And with anger she found she could pound every word.
But one voice got through, caught her up by surprise
It said, ";Don't hold us back we're the story you tell,";
And no sooner than spoken, a spell had been broken
And the voices before her were trumpets and tympani
Violins, basses and woodwinds and cellos, singing
";We're so glad that you finally made it here
You thought nobody cared, but we did, we could tell
And now you'll dance through the days while the orchestra plays
And oh-oh oh-oh-oh oh-oh, you're aging well.";
Now when I was fifteen, oh I knew it was over
The road to enchantment was not mine to take
Cause lower calf, upper arm should be half what they are
I was breaking the laws that the signmakers made.
And all I could eat was the poisonous apple
And that's not a story I was meant to survive
I was all out of choices, but the woman of voices
She turned round the corner with music around her,
She gave me the language that keeps me alive, she said:
"I'm so glad that you finally made it here
With the things you know now, that only time could tell
Looking back, seeing far, landing right where we are
And you're aging, and I am aging,
and aren't we aging well?";
I was thinking about it today now that my headache is gone and i can think clearly again. When we were 16 we were being 16 and not trying to be 20. I can remember just being with everyone and wiling away the summer days and just being happy to be 16. I can also remember becoming more skin conscious and not wanting to be lobster red and got even more freckles while most everyone else tanned. Even now i still say pass the spf 100!
You and me both, Sarah. All freckles, no tan. Thank goodness for that new Jergen's bronzing lotion though. I love that stuff b/c I can actually get a bit of color. Why they didn't have THAT when I was 16 and endured incessant teasing for my pale legs, I'll never know.
You and me both, Sarah. All freckles, no tan. Thank goodness for that new Jergen's bronzing lotion though. I love that stuff b/c I can actually get a bit of color. Why they didn't have THAT when I was 16 and endured incessant teasing for my pale legs, I'll never know.
Hannah...I guess I don't NEED to go back to school but I'm afraid I would. If you lived here I would ask you to do it with me!
LeAnn -- Would it be possible for you, at some point when Asher gets a little older, to get some sort of part time job at a local greenhouse/nursery? I'm not sure what that would be in Emporia or roundabouts, but maybe it would give you some hands-on experience. And if you did go back to school, would you have to get another full-fledged degree or maybe just take a few classes to get the ins and outs? I would think it would be more a matter of gaining the experience, like Hannah said, more than another degree or classes.
And LeAnn, this should make you laugh: If you get a greenhouse, then you can at least count on my mother to bring you some -- if not all -- business. :)
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